Revelry...

The reluctant but happy guests left this morning and headed off to Florence and I headed off the other way, 35k along the 'Strada dei Vini' to Montepulciano. The place is synonymous with fine robust Italian wine but that is not, surprisingly, why I'm here. Todays visit is for a folklorist event being held here.

The 'Bravio Delle Botti' is a popular annual event that takes place on the last Sunday in August. The spectacle is basically 8 teams of blokes from neighbouring districts of the town having a gruelling race to see who can push a barrel up the hill the quickest. It's been going on since medieval times and is still a popular event in the Tuscan calendar.

The pushers (spingitori) have to push the barrels(Botti) full of delicious 'Nobile Di Montepulciano' up the steep cobbled streets to the finish at the steps of the Duomo in the main Piazza Grande and then the winners get a cloth flag(Bravio)...Is that it??

It sounds easy but the 'Botti's' are massive and weigh about 80kg!

Actually they don't have wine in!

But the streets are tiny and horrendously steep!

And it's 30 plus degrees!

And there is fierce rivalry!

Worth a visit I reckon?

When I arrived, the streets were decked with the representative flags and the townsfolk had donned their
fuzzy-felt imitation medieval costumes with colourful
britches with matching cod-pieces and little pointy pixie boots!

Inspired, amused and armed with slices of warm pizza I
headed up to the Piazza Grande where the place was filling up with revellers. I used the ongoing distractions to sneak up the 67 narrow stairs to the top of the Palazzo Comunale tower, unchallenged and without paying, and took in the panorama of the Valdichiana for free....then came down to read it was
CLOSED today!...Ha!..one-nil !

The whole town oozes the Nobile Di Montepulciano Vino Rosso. You can smell it everywhere, when passing every

Cantina, Enoteca, bar and restaurant it is impossible to ignore it....I will have to return.

With an impressive fanfare involving much flag throwing and waving, a pageant of medieval costume paraded the streets accompanied behind by deformed, simple looking peasants with facial warts and probably genital lice, blowing drums and long trumpets and some toting weapons that quite frankly, in this day and age, they should be getting arrested for....tooled up in a public place!

If someone shouts 'Allahu Akbar' now there will be a right stramash!

But hey, the mood is light and Iv not been soooo excited in a bit of flag throwing since the middle-ages and I have to say I probably couldn't have done it much better, good show lads!

But now, putting the processions and fanfare aside, today is about the barrel race and the 8 teams are finally limbered up and ready to go!

Uno, due, tre.....a shot rang out .....Jesus....and they were off!

They all set off like the clappers from the bottom of the hill and then it didn't take long for the red and black sweating Spingatori's, in tight shorts ,to open up a big lead; the other coloured 'pushers' did their best but basically not good enough and lost!

At the end celebrations, i had been up for the Talosa's but it was the Voltaia district that were the winners and you would have thought they had won the ruddy World Cup the way they carried on in front of the Duomo but everyone wearing the right supporting colours seemed
suitably impressed with effort!

No doubt there will be a vat or two less of the fine wine drunk by the next morning, I'm sure!..
...thanks Montepulciano!

https://youtu.be/bGorMWB-93I

Revelry was the name of the game today and so I chose this track by the Kings of Leon, I remember seeing these guys rock in the Blackpool Winter Gardens a lot earlier than this album when they made the floor bounce!

https://youtu.be/-sA85wMC16A

Seven Nation Army...

I haven't blogged for a while as (a) I haven't been anywhere of note and (b) I have mainly been looking after the guests. I have realised that some folk like to go off every day and see lots of places with statues with little penises and paintings of old ladies looking sad and others are happy enough to sit and relax by the pool with a glass of Prosecco and a copy of the Radio Times(JB?)

But anyway, still no rain and therefore the guests here have been enjoying the sunshine everyday in the 30's and getting as 'brown as cupboards'.

But this afternoon, I'm going to take a short break and I'm off about 10 miles down the road to have a look at Castiglione Del Lago.

We are now in Umbria, at another smaller medieval town on the side of Lake Trasimeno.

Here, this castle and fortress was probably on the market in the Middle Ages, about 1247 and built by Freddy the 2nd of this manor . Notice the TV Ariel on the ramparts...I bet even back then it was dodgy reception trying to tune in for the 'Gladiator' finals in Rome! 

But let me take you back a bit further to 24 June 217BC....

Those of you that payed attention during your 'CSE' level history will undoubtably be aware that around here some serious battles were fought. This was when Hannibal was alive. Hannibal Barca ( no relation of Ronnie) was a Carthaginian, from Carthage, which doesn't exist know so let's just say he was from around where Tunisia 🇹🇳is now. He didn't like the Romans (hey, who does?, big noses, straight roads....) so he trekked over the Alps on an elephant to sort them out. It was here that he hid in the woods and waited to ambush them. The Romans, led by 2 generals, Bigguss Diccuss and Anus Maximus were no match for sneaky Hannibal, and using a new blindside and open 'flanker' system, he sent his number 6's and 7's around the back and gave them a right fisting up the rear! 15 thousand were killed here and it still remains the biggest ambush in history...until Trump does North Korea I suppose!

Now, at the 'Fortress of the Lion', as it is referred as, there isn't even one elephant to be seen, not even a statue....just some quaint old cobbled streets with nice wine bars serving wooden platters of Umbrian cold meats and local cheeses...!

See, no mention of a festa....they have one every week for just about everything you could think of....

...Well, there is the 'fry the cute bunny in the pan' festa coming up.....I kid you not!

Look!....

Today's track to accompany the the blog is by the 'White Stripes', being a big fan of Jack and Meg White Iv picked this track quite cleverly from their 2003 album 'Elephant'....

https://youtu.be/0J2QdDbelmY

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Walking Man...

I had a walk this morning up to the catholic church at the top of the woods, the unassuming 'Sepoltaglia' with a nice view over to the historic Trasimeno lake.

I then decided to walk the 3 miles up to Cortona later too...as, you guessed it, they were having yet another festival and I wanted to take a look at this one.

So I wish you all a merry Ferrogosto...

Ferrogosto has been celebrated in Italy since 18BC and it's historically a catholic feast following months of hard agricultural labour and to celebrate Mary's Assumption...

So I'm assuming I need to celebrate it too...."Well, if it's good enough for Mary"...

So what in Gods name has this has to do with tackling a massive lump of rare beef steak?

Well, this weekend in the Parterre(public gardens) in Cortona, fourteen metres...yes, quite a long way, of red-hot flaming barbecue has been erected for the 58th 'Sagra Delle Bistecca', T-bone steak festival, set up for celebrating Ferrogosto. It's another mammoth event that I reckon attracts every slavering, Catholic carnivore for miles around to sit and gorge themselves on huge, bloody-rare lumps of prime Chianina bred beef steak. These authentic flame grilled whoppers have been cooked like this here for the last 58 years!

To get my head around it I first visit Molesini, the wine Enoteca that has been squishing the grape since 1937, now in the Piazza Della Republica, and order a bottle of 'Poggetto',  a local red from grapes that have been growing up the road for years and then settle in to drink it slowly, contemplating life while sat in the main Piazza listening to 3 guys playing jazz....

...not being a Jazz aficionado I don't know if they are good or bad but one guy seems to be 'blowing the sax' at the same time as the other bloke 'plucks the guitar' strings so I suppose that's sounds about right to my lugs.....hardly Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince!

At the end of the performance I cleverly chuck all my shrapnel in his battered straw hat and say 'Grat-ci- a' as he collects his beer money and he seems happy enough with the nights takings.

There's something about sitting quietly in medieval squares, drinking nice wine that appeals to me!

God, I was born to do this!

But now I'm beginning to hate tourists.....

If your a tourist, let me give you some free advice if I may....

If your European, look  in the mirror before you go out.....you probably look like a complete cock, with your stupid socks and sandals or daft flowery shirt....and lose that boater hat too as it makes you look even more of a dick!

...and if your American....shut the fuck up, no-one wants to hear your loud Yankee drawl...and the medieval square is NOT the 'City Hall'....

Saturday night is definitely people watchin' night, it's early yet but there are still some interesting souls about, from the Divine Comedy's 'Lady of a Certain Age' to tottering wannabe supermodels but no-one has yet paid for the alterations....I'm on the street so it's perfect for a good nosey while I pretend to write a blog.....

Then, as the light fades....

Am I capturing the evening....??

It's time to head back through the smoke filled park which is now feeding hundreds of guzzling carnivores with enormous sizzling steaks....

Now, under the clear starry sky I watch the annual meteor storm send shooting stars flying across the dark night sky as I walk the return leg, which is thankfully, all down hill...

The 'Walking Man' comes from old hobo Seasick Steve, off an album titled 'I started out with nothing and Iv still got most of it left'. A great live act, playing Dog house boogie blues on only homemade 3 string guitars and a drum box.....great stuff!

Here he is on Jools Holland's show.

https://youtu.be/pC3rzgprN4w

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Act of the Apostle...

Now I don't know much about religion being an apiarist, but I had a hankering to go to see Assisi spiritual and sacred and home of the famous Italian patron Saint Francis, and up and till he died in 1226, he was quite the troubadour Friar Tuck of his day.

You see the town sprawling up the hillside as you approach and looking quite impressive and inviting. I arrived at teatime, basically when everyone else had been and gone, in order to have a walk around without all the annoying tourists wandering round gawping at maps trying to find the back passage of St. Benedictus and to avoid an excessive heat rash.  A wise choice as I parked at the far end of the town and walked in along old beautifully kept winding streets and up and down once again many many steps leading to church after church after Catholic church. 

Why did they need so many?

Since old Franny' left, the place seems to have become a haven for sandal wearing monks, nuns, sinners, shrines, crosses, fountains, cherubs, angels, alters and all religious artefacts known to exist in Gods holy kingdom. 

Lost souls now wander the streets trying to find solace, like this woman who no doubt lost her late husband, shot by mistake in the Crimean War, now left to sit, clutching a pewter crucifix, reflecting on her now lonely, suffering existence, gazing expectantly to the lord for spiritual enlightenment and forgiveness before she slowly withers away and slips off this mortal coil and gets pushed into the flames and becomes a pot of ash....well, probably!?

Anyhow, he built a massive house that he named the 'Basilica' on the top of the hill, (a) to keep fit and (b)so he could be near God and chant and pray and invite the Pope and his mates round occasionally to ring bells and feast and rattle off a few 'Hail Mary's' together. He also loved all creatures great and small (No, not the TV show, you idiot!), so he probably kept loads of goats and chickens, camels and bears and I would think he had a massive fish tank and a pet spider monkey?

Well, when you have the room!

And on the way back I found where he kept his bicycles!

 Today's track is brought to u by another favourite band of mine, 'Belle and Sebastian', this time a short song from the 2006 album, The Life Pursuit.

https://youtu.be/vlHbKTYyM-I

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Skinny Little Bitch....

In the town the other day I spotted that this poster had gone up....

....and I know what your thinking....I thought the same....

....Jesus, what a bloody awful emaciated specimen to put on a poster to promote a food festival!

....No?, well I did...

It's a 'Sagra', which translates to a festival, they seem to be popular in these parts as there seems to be one every week around here.

Anyhow, it's another event that's on my doorstep, in Pergo on Saturday night so I thought I'd nip up on the pushrod to investigate. But I'm thinking, if we have to eat THAT bloody runt of a Cinghiale then there shouldn't be much to go round! 

It looks like the bugger needs worming!

Ooh, I'm starvin'...I could eat a scabby pig!

As it turned out, there was enough for everyone, all sat on long tables being cooked and served by all the local Cinghiale hunters washed down with copious amount of vino rosso in unlabelled bottles....no wonder the handlebars were playing up on the way home!

Skinny Little Bitch is a great song, so here is a live version, described in the NME as 'a balls out, low-down dirty rock song', Yep, sounds about right and with Courtney Love's lovely gravelly voice it sits in my library quite comfortably. Enjoy 'Hole'.

https://youtu.be/_b8JD2ja1WI

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Burn Baby Burn...🔥

Over the past few weeks Iv had my head in the oven a couple of times....well, actually it got so bad I spent quite a few hours completely inside the oven. Yes, it was hot, yes it was a dark lonely place that I found myself in but at the end of the day I knew it was my own choice. I just knew I had to do it!

The oven I sought sanctuary in was a very, very old bread oven. It hadn't been lit probably since the fifties and definitely not in my lifetime. It is built into the side of the house, stylishly round and measuring in at 2 metres in diameter. It is a huge space!

I absolutely love the history to it.

As it had laid redundant for so long, some of the bricks had 'spalled' and needed re-pointing and all of the fire-brick base had crumbled into fragments and needed removing.

We bought a pallet load of new, cut, fire-brick, some heat resistant cement and a fresh load of sand for a base and then it needed someone to get in and do it....

...I looked around and there was no-one here!

...wearing nowt but a pair of shorts and an FFP3 face mask I set to work, during which time I overcame arachnophobia and became totally resistant to malaria from all the winged and hairy-legged creatures that had made this their home over the past few years and obviously hadn't received the eviction notices....and some were bloody angry and enormous!...and incredibly fast!

But I had nerves of steel....I was made of stronger stuff....I convinced myself this during the darker hours, when the sweat and toil was fatiguing my withering body....

But finally, as I emerged, triumphant and looking rather like a Vietnamese POW, the new 'forno' was complete. All the bricks had been individually laid and re-laid until everything was perfectly level and now all that was needed was to see if it all still worked as it should....anyone got a match?

A few trial fires 🔥 and everything seems to be perfect. The fire soon gets the oven hot and the smoke thankfully goes out and up the chimney. The floor of the oven gained a great cooking temperature too.

Time to make a purchase.

Now there are times in your life when you realise that you are only going to do something once and today I had this realisation as I strolled into town to the 'Ferramenta' and quite boldly, in my best Italian, asked for and purchased, a 6' foot long, wooden handled pizza shovel....

I doubt if I will ever do this again!

So...it may historically have been an old bread oven that locals would meet at to bake batches of loaves but for the immediate future and in the summer of 2017 I am going to attempt to make pizza!🍕🇮🇹

Wish me 'Buon Appetito'

A double whammy here, the great track 'Burn Baby Burn' by an old favourite band of mine 'Ash' from their early, 2001 album, 'Free All Angels'...see what I did there?, it's not just thrown together, this blog!...could have had a Biffy Clyro track too if anyone noticed?

https://youtu.be/fNdDKhA_gkk

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High and Dry....

Oh, Come on!

Stop sending over all that typical Northern weather!

Today has been incredibly cloudy and it even rained for nearly a full nine minutes!

Thunderstorms are rumbling around the valleys though!

Cloudy Cortona up on the hill.

No, but seriously a bit of rain wouldn't go amiss as we haven't had any for over 3 months now and there are signs that things are starting to suffer. The trees in the forest above us are turning brown and cracks are appearing in the parched earth.

The local wildlife must be suffering too as the other night I caught two badgers on the lawn eating dropped mulberries and this morning two foxes 🦊, as bold as brass, were trotting down the track towards me. Maybe they were looking for a drink?

All the rivers have dried up and many of the local 'Diga's (Dam's) are empty.

The locals tend to be deer 🦌 , porcupines🐾, Cinghiale 🐗foxes 🦊, badgers🐩?, snakes 🐍, tortoises 🐢, frogs 🐸 and lots of lizards 🦎. The lovely Hoopoes that we're here every day seem to have disappeared but the other birds, like the pied wagtails and the house martins still come for drink from the pool every day.

We don't mind the birds and the dragonflies calling in for a sip but you have to draw the line if and when the wild pigs start dropping in....

So at the edge of the woods, on the high ground, in the remains of an old 'pig hole' I built this...

I can fill it with a long hose and it should keep them going for a while!

High and Dry is today's track, not only is it appropriate but it will also annoy the hell out of a certain individual that absolutely hates Radiohead, even more than I hate Phil Collins AND Kanye East ....so will prepare for the backlash!

This is off the fantastic 'The Bends' album, of which I have, for all my life, been addicted to.....sorry BP!

https://youtu.be/7qFfFVSerQo

Sent wi' th'ipad