The half hour delay leaving John Lennon gave enough time to peruse through the in-flight magazines and Sunday supplements inspiring and tempting me to buy a plethora of desirable items, never previously considered, but now, by clever marketing jargon and in a relaxed state from the airport bar I can't help but find them totally irresistible.
How could I not want a half price pair of Ultimate crease and water resistant fabric pleated slacks in French navy with a complimentary slip on apron trim shoe with elastic inserts for easy foot entry?...both claiming total maximum comfort and support for the regular wearer. Or A limited lifetime of Pet Insurance with the Co-op?
Maybe a regenerating 3 point age defeating cream that can penetrate deep into your palid sagging skin while your asleep or try a handy bottle of Phyto-coffee shampoo that not only reduces the effects of hormonal fluctuations during the menopause but by washing your hair with it, you amazingly find that it is formulated to decline the negative impact of ones testosterone surges....if I'd only knew this stuff earlier?
Oooh more....let me fill out this coupon for immediate next day delivery, a limited edition book on hand crafting 275 varieties of Finnish pancakes while at the same time expressing and relieving your deepest grief for a lost relative, or could I really resist an offer of a front row ticket to spend an evening with Michael Ball and Alfie Bass at the London Palladium next summer...(like he's still going to be alive!)
Jesus, who orders this crap?
At what age is this stuff actually considered as 'normal'?
I think I will buy a scratch card instead so I can win 68 million euros and retire to the sun and sit in a deckchair with a hanky on my head with a glass of stout bemoaning the fall of the British empire following a hard Brexit to anyone that passes by....
I hope the sun is out in Italy?
I like a bit to warm the old bones!
First track to kick off this blog will be ' Help the Aged', by Pulp.
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