Mr Pharmacist....

I woke this morning to the news that Mark E Smith from the band 'The Fall' had slipped off this mortal coil and I sorta knew what he must have been feeling....I also had not been well in the night and was starting to mull over my demise too.

I attended the obligatory Thursday market but this day I did not join the porchetta queue nor did I have my little cup of italian cofee in the corner cafe as my body was failing me this day, so I returned home with only a kilo of fresh oranges and a bag of yellow spuds....not that I would be enjoying them!

I needed to return to my bed, to be able pass over naturally and comfortably and with some dignity...i was already cold, rigor-mortis no doubt and I could feel the grip of my self diagnosed disease taking hold of me...,I knew I definitely had the 'Consumption' and I wouldn't have too long left in this green and promised land of milk and honey...and olive oil..and tomatoes...etc etc

Even Charlie from Casualty can't save me now!

I took a last look at the crucifix above the door and lay back, closing my eyes as a lone church bell tolled in the distance and i pulled the thick duvet over my head like a makeshift shroud and finally folded my arms across my chest. For the first time felt I was at peace. I had put on the electric blanket so it could warm my lifeless body and I lay back and imagined quietly what it must be like to slide slowly through the curtains and into the flames of the cremation oven when the time comes....as the temperature started to rise I found I couldn't breathe, I was sweating, the heat from the blanket was stifling so I panicked and burst back out gasping for air!

How long is this going to take?

Next I thought it might be an idea to refresh myself with a few words from the good lords book so I fumbled about in the bedside cabinet and called for my last rights and testament to be read out to me....I lay back once again, the book opened at a random page and as I focused my mind and listened intently, it started...."we are jolly well going to enjoy our supper together as Fanny has brought hard boiled eggs, bags of lettuce and lashings of ginger beer...."it read, .WHOAH,,,,,,,,!!!...hang on!

 These aren't the last words I want to hear on departure from this life!

I dismissed the High Priestess immediately and demanded silence for my final moments.

I turned my thoughts to my legacy...what was I going to leave behind?

An enormous wealth in an off-shore account?

Property and land amounting to millions?

A grieving Nation who would build a folly in my honour?

Oh, wait....Iv just remembered about the small cardboard box under the bed, an in it ....Ah, Yes...here they are....only 2 tickets for the England V Italy Six Nations game in Rome next weekend...Lazarus, get your coat!

https://youtu.be/Cl34oJEoO7s

There was only one track I could use for this one I suppose!

Mark E Smith RIP🎚

Go!...

The knights are long through the Tuscan winter months ....so there hasn’t been much to report on but I have been getting a bit of hassle from the great unwashed so I thought I’d better put finger to keyboard and make an effort!

Have recently had some endless hours hunched over a laptop trying to remember passwords, login details, checking emithers, proof reading, writing, re-writing, hosting. posting, inserting, cropping, copying, researching, scribbling, squabbling, linking, drinking.....Ring any bells?

I thought all this was in the past.....??

But allow us now to be able to shout from the top of our social media platform about the wonderful apartments we have to offer for the summer holidays.

It’s been a lot of hard work but we now have hosting and are live on Owners Direct, AirBnB, Facebook, Booking.com and of course our own website.

Researching the internet even turned up an extranet?WTF? and the whole caper has been a mind-field; up-loading, down-loading, hosting and boasting leading to blank screens, blank looks and error messages galore while all the time we were fully aware that a couple of clicks in the wrong direction and the whole thing would probably end up being hosted on the ‘Wish you were here’ pages of the mysterious dark web!

So when a murderous, axe-wielding ex-con goth meth-addict checks in for a week by the pool we would have only our self to blame !

It’s not our fault if he doesn’t get on with the other guests!

Bitcoin or Paypal?

Euro or Sterling?

Dollar or doughnut?

It’s all been a wondrous learning curve on the slippery slope of marketing our summer residences....

On a lighter note, the hens have settled in to their new home and are knocking out the odd egg as they learn to scratch about and use their Etruscan perches. However, productivity needs to go up or we will be forced to make more cuts than Carillon as we are now enforcing a strict....’If you lay...you stay’ policy in the henhouse so Bhaji, Kebab and Pie need to watch out!

Hunting season has finished now and hopefully the nearby bangs from the loud-stick I heard the other day has entitled me some respite from filling any more Cinghiale holes in for a while? The bloody body bag that arrived at the door the other day, I have to say, made a mighty fine ragu!!

We are continuing with learning the lingo too...

We now know our pollo from our galline,

our uova from our uva,

and our Aglio from our Olio.....still a long way to go!

Ciao for now

Todays track ‘Go!’ by Public Service Broadcasting, a track to reflect the ‘launch’ of our venture and a band with an aptly named title. Anyone who has not heard this amazing band should check them out as they do ‘themed’ albums, this one being ‘Space’.

https://youtu.be/BHIo6qwJarI