Inspired observations gained from my travels, matched to a music track and made into a quirky blog from a recalcitrant Lancastrian.
recalcitrant
rɪˈkalsɪtr(ə)nt/
adjective
1.
having an obstinately uncooperative attitude towards authority or discipline.
noun
1.
a person with a recalcitrant attitude.
"a stiff-necked recalcitrant and troublemaker"
☯️
Start with what is right rather than what is acceptable.
Franz Kafka.
Next trip coming soon….
I thought I’d try my hand at snorkelling today so booked on a boat trip to visit some pristine uninhabited islands with a promise of one of Jaques Cousteau’s famous quotes…
“ The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever”
We got a cheap deal with a kindly local seafarer, Mr Kunabalan, who got us to choose a life vest from the rack and gave us a choice of craft…
I’d watched all the episodes of the Blue Planet so had a good idea what to expect and it all looked very promising.
We chose the bigger 06 Happy Island Service boat and climbed aboard just after breakfast.
As we powered into the snorkel zone, I could see the inviting turquoise waters and stood up in anticipation and donned my mask and snorkel in readiness.
As the keen pilot swung the boat round with the powerful ‘Mercury’ outboard, he dramatically applied the brakes and as the boat lurched, I fell backwards sharply and got physically jammed between the rib seats and large American lady tourist from Texas.
Because I’d lathered on the factor 50 liberally, in anticipation of being submerged for a few hours in the blazing sun, I was now as slick and oily as a seal, so as she jumped up in surprise, I was catapulted into the air like a wet bar of soap. As I landed back onto the slippy PVC vinyl seats, the craft came to a sudden halt and I slid dramatically across three cushions and plopped over the side, head first into the sea like a drunk penguin.
Now with the temperature of the water lower than the air, it was at this point that my mask decided to fog up, causing zero visibility, which impacted on my coordination. It didn’t help that my unsecured, flimsy, orange life jacket had risen up over my head and had snagged itself on my snorkel. 🤿 . Snorkels aren’t designed to work very well underwater and I found this out as I took a deep breath and instantly filled one lung with salty water, this reflex prompted my breakfast bowl of noodle soup to start travelling up the pipe the opposite direction..
At that point my head hit the coral below…
Coughing and spluttering like an old lambretta on a Bank holiday, I emerged once again into the daylight and as I was hauled back into the boat, with snot streaming from my nose, I realised that I was probably more Jack Duckworth than Jaques Cousteau when it came to this particular pastime…
This is what I would have seen…
Instead, enjoy a bit of Biffy Clyro with ‘Bubbles’.
There is a reason why folk moved out of the jungle! It’s full of creepy bugs and wild creatures that will bite yer balls off at a moment’s notice.
This is why we were upgraded…
The new place is Tiger Rock, a luxurious, exclusive private, low impact and sustainable retreat where you get looked after by dedicated staff serving excellent cuisine, prepared and cooked by a chef using only seasonal local ingredients from Pangkor Island to produce a culinary experience of the flavours from Malaysia.
Set within a protected area of rainforest with Giant hornbills above and troupes of cheeky monkeys peering at you from every angle.
It’s time to apply the deet…we are heading for the Malaysian jungle!
It’s only natural that you get down to basics now and again and spend some time appreciating how our forefathers lived, like Tarzan.
It wasn’t long before we were under the canopy, and sweating like pigs, into the dense, primary rainforest. In the distance we could hear the courtship calls of the cicada’s, like small car alarms going off.
We carried on regardless, going ‘deeper and deeper into the under growfth’. I could hear the lispy botanist David Bellamy in my head and picture his round, hairy, bearded face, creepily poking out from behind a thicket of palm frongs…
We soldiered on, as the path disappeared we hacked our way through the whispering grass and the spikey rattan, now humid and hot we resembled Don Estelle & Windsor Davies of ‘It ain’t half hot mum’, circa 1974 fame…
Suddenly we came across a large python in the bushes, hissing at us…was this a warning?
“Sssstay on the path”
We continued on…
Then, another reptile, this time an angry venomous cobra reared up…
“Hiss off”
We started to run…
Right into the path of an awaiting tiger…
“They’re Grrreat…!”
So we ran a bit more…
Finally we caught a glimpse of a roof through the forest
and could hear several larger creatures crashing about in the nearby trees, we had at last found our promised abode.
‘Seaview Cottage’
It was spacious and rustic, as described…but we were not the first to arrive.
A troupe of pesky primates had beaten us to it and had most of the galvanised roof sheets away and a couple of the windows.
On closer inspection, the wifi password didn’t work, there were no clean towels or any sign of a minibar!
That’s the last time I’m using AirB&B…
Good work, managed to reference a couple of classic 70’s TV programmes from my youth too!
Kool and the Gang ‘Jungle Boogie’, used in one of my favourite films ‘Pulp Fiction ’…Iv added the lyrics too so be sure to sing along!
Lyrics
Get down, get down Get down, get down Get down, get down Get down, get down Get down, get down Get down, get down Get down, get down Get down, get down
Jungle boogie (Get down with the boogie) Jungle boogie (Get it on) Jungle boogie (Get down with the boogie) Jungle boogie (Get it on) Jungle boogie (Get up with the boogie) Jungle boogie (Get up with the get down) Jungle boogie (Get down with the boogie) Jungle boogie (Shake it around)
Jungle boogie (Get up with the get down) Jungle boogie (Boogie, boogie) Jungle boogie (Get the boogie) Jungle boogie Jungle boogie (Get up with the get down) Jungle boogie (Ah, get the boogie) Jungle boogie (Let me jump in) Jungle boogie (Get down with the boogie)
Get down, get down Get down, get down (With the boogie) Get down, get down (Jungle boogie) Get down, get down (With the boogie) Get down, get down (It's the boogie) Get down, get down (Jungle boogie) Get down, get down (With the boogie) Get down, get down (With the boogie) Get down, get down (Jungle boogie) Get down, get down (Boogie) Get down, get down (It's the boogie) Get down, get down
Uh, get it Feel the funk y'all Let it flow
Get down with the boogie I'm a-talkin' 'bout the jungle boogie Get down, huh Get down with the boogie say Uh, huh, get down Say, uh, huh-uh, ah, get down Say, uh, huh, get down Say, uh, huh, till you feel it, y'all Ah, huh, get down, y'all Uh-huh Ah, get down Huh-uh Ah, get up, y'all Ah, huh, with the get down Uh-huh Uh-huh Get down Whoa!
Holidays should be about taking it easy with a fair bit of lozzocking about instead of running around frantically like a sand crab. Wellness and mindfulness is high up the agenda these days so I need to put the reluctance and doubt behind me and embrace the opportunities.
Open minded to new ideas, I decided to offer my body and soul to a tried and trusted local Chinese alternative medicinal practice that offered a variety of holistic healing claiming benefits to my health not to mention increased energy, improved blood circulation and correction of any hormonal imbalances I may have.
So I signed up for an hour of soothing, pampering, calming bliss that is Reflexology.
It’s been going since 2500 BC, and it’s an ancient type of zone massage perfected by Egyptians.
I’m no expert but Iv read up a bit so let me explain.
By rubbing your feet in different places, these ‘zones’ correlate with different organs in your body so, for instance, if you are struggling with ‘belly wazz’ you just need someone to rub around the back of your heel and up your achilles and ‘hey presto’, no more flatulence!
Let’s give it a go…
A plastic washing up bowl, full of water, was placed on the floor in front of me by a lovely Chinese looking lady with petite, soft looking hands and polished nails. I was instructed to place both feet in it. After 5 minutes soaking, the tiny masseuse dried my feet and set about the mood enhancing process.
OMG…
She grabbed me by the big toe and with her cadaverous, bony fingers she tweaked, twisted and rived her way up the ball of my left foot, applying so much pressure with her thumb and forefinger that I let out a pathetic yelp.
She offered no restraint, instead more pressure was applied with her ape like knuckles, now along my insole, and bent my foot back to almost the point of dislocation.
I grimaced and whimpered again to let her know she was torturing my vital tendons but to no avail…
She ignored my twisted, contorted, grimacing face and continued on in her holistic quest.
I look up at the clock, Christ…only ten minutes in and my poor bony foot has had most of the muscle separated from the bone and any cartilage that was attached, has now been remoulded and re-aligned. As she dug her sharp nails in, almost piercing the skin, more pressure was applied to my heel and shin simultaneously.
The towel came out and I thought I was done, but no, she used it like a weapon to wrap my toes in to be able to gain more leverage as she attempted, one by one, to pull off all of my toes, wrenching them out individually from the socket.
I start to wonder what organ will benefit from this intense persecution being applied to my trotters?
Now fist punching my calf and digging her elbow into my ankle ligaments at the same time, the onslaught was relentless.
At last it was half time…at least I had a couple of minutes to regain my composure before the second half on the other foot….
Finally, it ended and I settled up the nominal fee and hobbled off out into the street, clutching my sandals as my poor, swollen, battered tootsies could bear no more and could now no longer provide me with basic support, balance and mobility.
This should work better…a bit of Maximo Park to sooth the ears!
Fantastic to watch the pair of hornbills again hopping about in the garden.
We leave here today so il leave you just with some pics from this well established, beautiful and tropical garden that we have thoroughly enjoyed, full of birds and flowers.
Come into the garden by NIck Drake, off the album ‘Family Tree’…sad that he died at only 26…
Been here a few days now so some faces are starting to look familiar at the Sandy Spoon breakfast bar and naturally they have been appointed nicknames. There’s ‘Smiler’ who serves and looks as miserable as sin everyday, ‘Gunter’, a sour looking bald German fella with a chunky wife and then our favourite, ‘Fannypack’ who only has one pair of shorts and shirt and walks around sporting a massive, fully loaded, multi-zipped bum bag at all times.
Morning fun is also had by turning the toast machine up to 11 when finished and sitting back to watch the pandemonium when the next sucker sticks in the bread and is helpless to retract the burning slice from the rotating incinerator before it’s too late…
Rules must be obeyed though, Wet ‘Cloths’ will NOT be tolerated.
That said, Iv already broken my own self inflicted rule, having gorged myself on fresh local Mango, Dragon Fruit, Watermelon and Jack 🍈 Fruit and a huge plate of Chinese vegetables including some rubber cabbage affair that resembled eating the pocket of an old farmers black Mackintosh…Strange fruit indeed!
For the younger viewers I must point out that a Mackintosh is an old gabardine raincoat and NOT a MacBook! #Neverstoplearningkidz
Had the obligatory tour of the island on the scooter like a couple of hairy bikers in search of food and hornbills, this time 🐜 yclockwise, so we have looked at the island from both sides now, but again to no avail…lunch was found courtesy of Fatt Kee again.
Disappointed, we dragged our weary arses out of the sea and tottered back to find….a pair of clumsy Oriental pied hornbills in the coconut tree 10yards from our crib!…At last!
That’s great…you travel 3 times around the island and the buggers are within feet from the balcony!
A classic that everyone needs to hear and look at life from every angle…you only get the one!
