OFFICIAL SENSITIVE:
The time has come the walrus said
To talk of many things
Of shoes and ships and ceiling wax
Of cabbages and kings
And why the sea is boiling hot
And whether pigs have wings....
And the time really has come!
You might think the above poem by Lewis Carroll makes no sense whatsoever but it's nothing compared to the Jabberwocky I have just left behind....so if you have a minute....read a while, as I have good news indeed to report.....moving forward!
I now no longer have to retain pages of pointless passwords that include a capital letter, 4 consonants , 2 numbers, a pound sign, 3 colons and an exclamation mark that when read backwards resemble a swear word that IT Helpdesk operatives really don't approve of.
As from today I am no longer just an 'm' number that tirelessly updates SOP12, agonises over WR, interrogates CTS, inputs IMIS or even gives an IFN about adding notes on AMES or SAM.
Never again will I GPS a CPH in a PZ with a VDP in full FFP3 PPE....
I would go as far as to say I wouldn't mind if you raised a JRF to stick my PDP up my TTL's VPN until it became ABP if u like cos I no longer give an VRQ if the EXD isn't recorded by the FOB!
I no longer hear the bleep of the sheep's EID nor do I dash to the AI IP, sample for FMD or emither the latest BSE16 to the wrong address. I'v relinquished the right to the PUS and severed the TLA from the CPH in the name of H&S.
The only 'updates' I will need to do is the google map on' t' th'iPad from now on, so it's goodbye to the 'Ops Manuel' and all the other Manuel's that some inept management model has decided that they can replace the trusty reliable AHO's with...
.....It's BAU with a DOCG for me from now on!
As an Ex RTG AHO, I don't scan, copy, jabber or SAG anymore, nor do I hold any affiliation to the RPA, ETA or the LGBGT's....
My VPN is no longer compatible and I no longer do 'lines' of Virkon S with the EMI's.
With my heart as heavy as a recumbent stirk with visible lesions I raise my glass as the over subscribed gravy train rumbles off in the general direction of Worcester stopping at every FOB along the way.
No doubt the psychological trauma from certain gormless squinting, pie munching, moon-faced, shiny-shoed sloths appearing on the 'idiot lantern' on a regular basis, preaching the virtues of how life on a demoralised sinking ship is fine and dandy and very much the 'way forward' will probably bring me IBS later in life but hey, at least I won't need to ring a 03000 number, wait for 3 days before being mistakenly being put through to the RBST will I?
Neither will I ever again accept acronyms.....
I leave behind my hardened motley crew of caffeine fuelled, FAM swilling IWF warriors to battle against the raging storms of management flatulence and formidable incompetence and to sail on through austerity and adversity with the only hope that one day I will see your bedraggled bone-heads again for a cold beer in a far away promised land....
OMG it's time for a G&T so i will embark on my personal 'project' and bid you all Arrivaderci....
......Recalcitrant to the end!
....and if you do get an opportunity, as I did, I will leave you with three words of advice.....
....Just Do It!
Cheers for a Lifetime!
I leave you with a big heavy whopper of a yet to be released track from Royal Blood, a big favourite of mine at the moment and off a very aptly named album, ' How did it get so dark?'
How do only two guys make such a great noise?....Answer, a big Gretsch!
Turn it up to eleven!
Sent from my iPad
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