National Express...
It was the first time I’d been stripped off to a T shirt since I landed back in Blighty as I battled today with the intense heat....
Id taken a train up north first and then connected to the X95 Borders bus that was leaving a very, very inclement Carlisle.
OMG!!!!....within ten minutes it was like a sauna on wheels....35 degrees on the inside which had passengers gagging for air as we went splashing up the A7.
Not being able to see bugger-all through all the steamed up windows didn’t help and then only stopping briefly for oxygen when the doors opened at various God forsaken, arse-end places where no one actually got on or off.....welcome to the Scottish Borders!
This old lass was dead by the time we got to Hawick but no one except me noticed...she will be like an old cow stuck in a cubicle by the time they find her in Edinburgh in three days time...
Now at 36 degrees C...
No wonder there is no water in 🇮🇹 as it would appear that it’s all here in the North of England/Scotland.
I wiped the window again and tried to peer out.
Every river passed was in full spate; bursting whitewater torrents cascading down hillsides into already completely waterlogged fields where hardy cattle stood in muddy gate holes in rural retreats wishing they were dairy breeds.
Passing through the towns, northern folk shuffled about the streets, bent double, hidden under mis-shapen cheap umbrellas☔️ from the pound-shop.
As the lashing rain subsided to a constant lingering drizzle even the horned sheep on the windswept fells look bloody miserable 😖
Still, it’ll soon be Winter...
Sat on the back of the bus I have time to reflect...
Homesick?.....No!
Great to catch up with friends but seems Iv got too used to having a bit better climate to inspire me these days.
Not feeling inclined to eat salad or fruit, the diet has deteriorated to junk ...not good!
It’s now 38 degrees in the bus...
Im sure Iv been on here for more time that is allowed under European NHS health guidelines?
Damn Brexit...
Are we there yet?
Sweating profusely and losing weight rapidly I am down to just cotton boxer shorts and pink flip flops so it MUST be time to get off?
Is it?....no one can see where we are!
The old woman still hasn’t moved and is starting to smell....
Having been on for seemingly over 3 hours I’m now also regretting having that bucketful of Americana they called coffee in the Costa so the next time the doors open I make a dash for the outside. With an over-extended bladder and busting for a massive horse like wazz I spill out, red-faced and dehydrated, to gulp in the deliciously cold, life-saving, dreich Scottish air.....
Christ....it’s bloody freezing here!
I turned round but the doors had closed...
I think I now need to buy some gloves....
Can’t wait to swop the Borders bus for the Pismover to be honest...
The song is based on Neil Hannon's observations of life from the window of a National Express coach. Some critics have criticised Hannon for "sneering" at the working classes on the track, but he has vehemently dismissed this notion, stating that the song "is pure observation, nothing made up – I’m on this bus, this is what I see."[1]
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