I want the world to stop...

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First it started with....

I am using a friends car and today I notice on the dashboard a yellow light warning me about something...oh, sounds serious, you may say, what is it?....well, il be buggered if I know. So the question I have is “why isn’t it obvious?”...why can’t it just say what the problem is?....instead some stupid symbol that looks to me like its warning ⚠️ me that Iv run over a bloody hedgehog 🦔...
Now I know that some patronising clever prick will retort “ you just need to look in the vehicle user manual...”....NO!...I Don’t...why should I have to do this?...just make it clear to the user/driver what the problem is instead of putting the emphasis on me to read your stupid boring book you muppet manufacturers.

While I’m on the subject, I’m sick to death of the worlds over-complicated technology and I think it needs to come to an end...not the world, God forbid, just the stupidness and pointless stuff in it....

Such as...
the hours and hours wasted on computers with stupid Logins, security settings and more incremental hurdles than you need. Just to order a new toilet roll from EBay, you must login using only use 3 consonants, 2 capitals, a pound sign and a space bar, no rude words and then remember it for the next 25years....then when, 2 seconds later, when texted to your mobile phone that you had 5years ago, enter the 10 digit code within 5 seconds of receipt or you get sent, by default, a used bog roll in the post and your banking app is frozen to death until you resolve the issue by contacting a call centre in downtown Mumbai....giving the same code that you didn’t receive....Jeez, what is it with trying to get simple things to operate, updating Apps, Maps, WhatsApps, WhatsUpps, passwords for this, passwords for that, the maiden name of your dead granny, her bra size and why haven’t you updated your/her profile since last week...Not to mention the updates, the problems, the incompatibility, the excuses, the faster, stronger, better, longer...and when it doesn’t work, the ‘use a different browser’, the options, the settings, the swiping, backing up, syncing, casting, phishing, cache-ing, saving, sharing, the accounts, the Apples, the Google’s, signing in, signing out, refreshing, translating, notifications and emojis....take a deep breath...
....I was only born in 1966 and now I have my own memory restrictions and mine is completely FULL of this shit, I don’t need assistants, virtual or physical....yet.

Why can’t read anything without first agreeing to chocolate chip ‘cookies’ hoovering my data?
So what I can’t see how my data is managed...? Like I (a)care, (b)know or (c)believe you....
When you say ‘managed’ do you mean stolen?
Help developers know what you think, you quip🤔....I’l bloody well tell you what I think, I think I need a rest from all this 💩 I didn’t even do algorithms at school as I thought they were a useless pile of shite then so I’m not getting involved in it now at my age (of the understatement).

I’m also getting sick of...
Are you ‘enjoying’ Google photos?...make your opinion count....Again, No..these are just my photos that I took of random things, admittedly I daren't ever press the button that says HDR as I haven’t a scooby what this means so most are crap and out of focus but they are mine, not yours and I don’t need them styalized, cropped or made into a funky montage to send to all my friends just because you have lured your way into my contacts list behind my back and think it’s a good idea to send them all Christmas cards with Tuscan wine labels, my toes and random dead animals on...
How ‘enjoyable’ might they be to a elderly relative over the festive period?


Fetch new data....push??...push what?...fetch from where?...what are you talking about, you idiot?
You just need to update your settings....Do I?
Why?...
At what point was life supposed to be this torturous?


You get told to change your ‘settings’,  ‘to allow’ things to happen because you want to read an interesting news article so you cautiously and reluctantly start to click about as you enter, what I can only presume is, the dark end of the web, where you know not of what they speak or the language they use and then when you get to screens showing things like ‘AssistiveTouch’ and ‘ReduceMotion’ you absolutely don’t understand what it all means and the article on ‘lameness in elderly camels’ you wanted to research now doesn’t seem worth the read, or that ambitious order you wanted to place for free next-day delivery now seems pointless ...shit...you panic and try to backtrack, thinking Ok, I don’t NEED a new leaf-blower from that site, so, finally you give in and press the ‘Home’ button to get to you back to the familiar territory of your own apps but wait...you lingered on it too long and when you accidentally press the home button for longer than a millipedes dick you get the stupid upbeat SIRI woman saying abruptly “What can I help you with?”...my usual two word response usually prompts her to sulkily follow with “I won’t respond to that”....like I care??...your not my friend so stop pretending you are!...if I wanted a random mate I’d go down the local ‘Titty Twisters’ but I don’t, so leave me alone!

And another thing...
These days you can’t actually GO anywhere without a follow up message on the way back home saying, “Hey, I noticed you where in the ‘Happy to Help’ Dogging car park tonite on the A59, would you like to leave a review to help others?”....or “Hey, looks like you just took a piss round the back of McDonalds in Jedburgh, you were away for 2 minutes and forty seconds, can you verify your new favourite location and rate your experience....NO, leave me alone, stop stalking me by default. If I want a record of where I go il stick a massive GO-Pro on my head, ride a bike and press record...Stop!

If I promise never to order an UBER, use a JUST-EAT app or subscribe to NETFLIX can I please just be left alone to read the odd news snippet, check the local weather or just catch up on a friendly email....is that too much to ask?

So, What is really bothering me?
While I’m on the subject of tech-bloody-knolodgy, why can’t I watch the damn rugby 🏉 on a big telly?...Its sooo over complicated...it appears that it’s beyond the capability of man to actually be allowed to watch a simple game of rugger when abroad without a hitch so....
I hav’t’ th’Ipad with all location settings and time set to U.K. on which I have a VPN which I use to connect to a UK server after which I open my currently downloaded ITV app which allows me to watch programmes and also live tv but now this does not allow the image, via a cable to be mirrored on to a telly, thus no big screen rugby...FFS!....funny how the BBC and all the other channels work so come on ITV, you shower of awkward tossers....LET ME WATCH ENGLAND BEAT THE ALL-BLACKS(again) in glorious HD technicolour...or maybe il just buy an old black and white from Rumbelows and have a load of fifty pence pieces handy...
Nostalgia link here...

Today’s track comes from the lovely Scottish band, Belle & Sebastian, one of the most under appreciated bands in the world...
Enjoy this track here https://youtu.be/wjW3tZhdnyw


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