Won’t get fooled again...
Looking through the local jobs being advertised this week there seems to be a dramatic change in requests and offers of employment. Up until the last few weeks they seem to have generally only needing an odd tyre fitter, a joiners mate or a few part time gas readers on zero hours contracts.
Now, indeed, I’v noticed a massive upsurge in, shall we say, ‘alternative’ employment!
It would appear that adverts are now crying out for staff to be urgently needed to cover shortages in medical 🧪 laboratories; permanent positions are available right now for needle wielding phlebotomists in many overworked health centres and a little more alarming and somewhat macabre were the desperately required ‘Casual funeral staff’ and ‘Crematorium Assistants’ on 12 week contracts!!....has someone seen the light?....maybe the future?....the vision?...the bit at the end of the film?
What next?, Morrison’s advertising for burly staff, male/gender fluid/female, that are familiar with the use of cattle-prods to control the wayward hordes of simpletons ‘Hamstering’ large tins of soup and family sized packets of penne?
Will Tesco and Asda both offer casual full time contracts for freelance accountants to help to count all the ‘unprecedented’ profits? Will Ronald MacDonald start to offer a free breakfast happy ‘Crony-burger’ to all students in self isolation just by using the ‘Just Eat Shite’ app or will unscrupulous online retailers continue to say that they will do ‘Whatever it takes’ to empty your bank account for their promotions of needless emergency purchases?
The grave reality is that local Joiners cant now cope with the heavy demand on them to repair kitchen cupboards that have collapsed under the strain of tinned salmon, fray bentos pies and spaghetti hoops. Worse still, would-be ‘Theatre go-ers’ have now been diverted to help the council empty the bins while the minimum wage staff at Wetherspoons have been forced to take over from tired doctors in the local A&E.
All I can say is that it seemed a lot better before the Brexit...but don’t get me going...
The EU has quite rightly closed its borders on us and experts predict that they will keep them locked until we withdraw our entry from Eurovision and say sorry to the French for producing the (hilarious) 80’s sitcom, ‘Allo Allo’.
Spare a thought for our friends across the pond that not only have only chlorinated ‘hickory’ chicken to eat but now their leader had to be swabbed for the Crony+virus and made to wash his mouth out with fairy liquid....damn that test, why couldn’t the leader of the free world have been placed in isolation for a few weeks on death row on a positive charge+...?
Not trying to make light of this but only to make an observation of my fellow humans as I witness the selfishness and stupidity of some who fail to understand basic instruction and operate with an indiscriminate lack of acknowledgement of the extent of the problem it is with a heavy heart that I sit down and listen one final time to...”Hands...touching hands...reaching out....touching me....touching you....SWEET CAROLINE......”....Good Times never felt so bad....!
...I wash my hands of the whole lot of you...do it your way!
The top track comes from The World Health Organisation (WHO) who predicted this pandemic back in 1971 when they consulted a Pinball Wizzard that warned them to beware of a blonde haired, bumbling buffoon offering billions of booty...
Listen here:
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