Alternative Ulster...

 As the lockdown gets slowly unlocked it’s almost time to try and have another jaunt away somewhere for some much needed R&R and blog inspiration.

The dilemma though is where can I go?

 Parts of the U.K. like Manchester, Birmingham, Leicester and sunny Burnley are out of bounds on the grounds that the virus lurks hither and they are all crap places anyway for a holiday so I had to think further afield. 

Perhaps Jamaica, Puerto Rico or Israel? 

Ryan Air didn’t seem to have any cheap seats going or short break offers!

Maybe visit our old European friends Italy, Spain or French France ?....but with the slumping pound and old depressing Brexit debate getting a bit tetchy these days with International treaties being ripped up and tariff terrorism rife then maybe its best to give them a miss as I may also be required to consider ‘self-mutilation’ on return depending on the exit rules or I might risk getting ‘caught by fuzz’ eager to use the very latest impressive and highly efficient Tracking, Tracing and Exterminating technology.

I can’t consider the USA either, as its not safe to walk the streets there anymore without the vigilante police 👮‍♂️ ‘popping a cap in ur ass’ as you step out of the ‘all ya can eat diner’ and anyway, they are all getting worked up into a frenzy with the election of one of two old donkeys that will probably trigger civil war/race wars/Star Wars and raging forest fires for years to come!

Russia was dismissed again as its too bloody cold and I’m not wanting to get poisoned.

Belarus is too crowded these days and the same with the Greek Islands but for different reasons!

So where oh where can I go?....a moral dilemma!

Suddenly I was inspired by Greta Thunderbird, of 90’s pop combo ‘Extinct rebellion’ ...well any sort of rebellion appeals to this recalcitrant troubadour really, so I decided to jump on the trendy carbon neutral wagon wheel.

The trip would need to be ethical, address our well-being, raise awareness for something and inspire social adhesion during these unprecedented times so we would need a challenge that offered an opportunity to collaborate with our colleagues, participate in teamwork whilst fulfilling our own inspirations through self awareness and gratification in places of worship or ‘pubs’ as we like to refer to them as.

Such a proposition would no doubt embrace climate change, destroy capitalism and do my tiny bit for the environment so I decided not to fly, train or boat...oh, hang on...well, I don’t suppose ferries count that much for emissions do they?

Our very own ‘Tour de Planet’ concept was born...

It was to be an endurance bicycle trip of over 3 days and would make a clear statement to the world and push our athletic bodies to the limit during an adventurous journey of a lifetime that would take in a rough sea crossing, a capital city and a lake...

You’ve guessed it, we are off to the Emerald Alley of Northern Eireland....

part motherland, part fatherland, part United, part City...well, the little Proddy bit up north that I learnt about during my childhood when every night it featured on the news during the 70’s for one reason or another.

I’m hoping it’s changed a bit as Iv never been before...

This weekend will be the signal to Pack up ‘the troubles’ in our old kit bags and panniers along with a few pairs of undies and small pot of sudacrem (other soothing bottom and chaffing lotions are available).

It will be much like going abroad but the language and the Covid rules will be similar to Lancashire but only the voices will sound different and the rules will probably get interpreted just a bit differently for some reason?

Anyhow, No euros or passports to worry about and the food and drink shouldnt give us too many ‘Belly-Wazz’ problems if we stick to the local diet of potatoes and Guinness.

To do my bit for ‘extinct rebellion’ I intend to travel by bicycle and take an old Catholic pensioner along for a ride accompanied by a dour Scottish dodo wearing the leaders  ‘orange’ jersey on a peaceful procession up the cobbles of the Shankhill Road to raise awareness of our campaign ....what could possibly go wrong?

Watch this space...or the News!

I had to sneak in an old punk favourite here and a band from Northern Ireland that I saw later at King George’s Hall in Blackburn, turn up the volume and enjoy them here in their prime.