Old Man...

 Todays technical blog is about engines so if any girls are listening you might want to turn over as its probably going to get a little too complicated for you to comprehend the ‘Vorsprung Durch Technik’ of it all....

The ‘head’ is back on now but while attempting this complicated surgery he severed a main artery and diesel started to piss out uncontrollably so unfortunately, under current NHS post -Covid rules, the operation had to be cut short. This ultimately means that another slot will have to be booked to finish the job off, thus allowing the head doctor to legally demand that I pay even more money 💰 than intended to pay in first place!

By the end of all this he will, however, have completely pimped my ride and I’m sure I will fully appreciate the level of comfort and reliability that a newly refurbished BMC1500 diesel performance engine offers.

The head has been completely lobotomised and skimmed with “seven thouw” shaved off, new injectors fitted and valve guides guided. With new heater plugs and filters fitted and a sump full of clean lubricant it will soon be time to ‘fire her up’ once again.

But this comes with a warning..⚠️

This is that when the turbo kicks in and we are at ‘top dead centre’, my induction stroke will now return to create a massive load of frightfully powerful compression up past my ‘ring’ so there is a good chance it will ‘blow the arse’ out of my bottom-end and il be piston-broke once again..

At that point I will  hear the immortal words of the late great Fred Dibnah laughing, with a fag hanging from the corner of his mouth, saying “Did yer like that!!??”

Oh the joys of boating...

Iv always liked messing about with engines, ever since I learned of all the comedic words associated with this practice. I remember as a lad, flicking through what should have been boring Haynes manuals but coming across a whole world of unusually bizarre words with such gems like ‘dipstick’, shaft, con-rods, big-ends, horn and fluids. Not to mention the one that always provoked uncontrollable laughter that was ‘blowing a seal’...

...it still creates a smile even at age 56, today!

I uncovered an alternative universe of incredible words with interesting connotations that involved practices like  ‘bleeding’, damping, pumping and lubricating’. Then throw in the odd job that involves ‘sucking on a pipe’, ‘oiling a worn shaft’ or ‘greasing a rubber’ then my childhood lesson from my dear old perpetually oily-faced grandad was complete.

Thanks to him, I learnt what it meant if my brakes were ‘spongy’ or my ‘flange’ was worn out and I knew what to do if my ‘oil was creamy’ or if one of my ‘plugs wer’oiled up’ and I was only running on ‘3 pots’...

When he diagnosed my problem once as “shit in the carburettor” I remember thinking to myself ‘how often do I need to do that?’....This pupil had a lot to learn back then!

 

The song today has been chosen from‘Harvest’ as Neil Young’s album is 50 years old this month being released in 1972 so Iv chosen a relevant track from it for my dear old dead Grandad...