I made a bit of a holiday error yesterday as from a promo board on the beach, I booked myself on something named ‘Excursiones Diarias’ ??
Struggling with the lingo a bit I thought I was going on a cultural trip to see some caves and a nearby church in a minibus.
Imagine my surprise when a cool, tattooed and tanned surfer dude wearing a baseball hat on back to front awkwardly helped me slither into a smelly wetsuit and then strapped on a pink parachute and fastened me to the back of a speedboat!
We set off briskly and I shot up into the air at breakneck speed, so I pulled on a safety toggle, as previously instructed, and shot back down, hitting the water face first. I then promptly started to get dragged along in the wake coughing and spluttering. Now twisted in the ropes, the parachute caught the wind again and I suddenly shot back up into the air, but now I was facing the wrong way with my goggles now full of salty-water I was unable to see. Just as my 20 minutes was up I heard a rip and started to plummet once again this time impacting the ocean backwards but this time it was arse first at what felt like about 95mph…
Back on the beach, with a crowd of onlookers the medic said it was lucky that it was a solo flight so no one else got hurt as he emptied my colon with a funnel into a plastic bucket.
Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, cinco, seís…
and all the girlies say I’m Pretty Fly (for a white guy)
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