The beauty of flying on the Emirates flagship A30 is that, even in cattle class, you get a personal screen to be able to see what’s going on outside the plane. That way, if anything fails or falls off or a stray flock of seagulls get unluckily sucked into the jet engine, you will be able to watch and witness your own death, as you plummet majestically to the ground, terrified and helpless…an interesting concept?
According to the stats, it’s a journey of 3683 air-miles to DXB Dubai for the first 7hr leg, so as we get herded up the ramp by the drovers and loaded up securely in our our seats we leave behind a chilly morning in Manchester circa. 3 degrees C.
By the time we had cleared Turkish airspace, at thirty nine thousand feet, we had shifted both of the 2 pre-ordered Kosher meals. Our indulgence leaving only the dregs of the delicately ‘slow braised sheep’s brain cassoulet’ for disposal as ICW (International Catering Waste) and had washed it all down with a couple of glasses of Gordon’s famous elixir in order to ward off the prospect of contracting deep vein thrombosis…Foodies know that it is always better for you when you know that it has been prepared under the Rabbinical Supervision of the Beis Din of the Union of Orthodox Hebrew Congregations ….Shalom😜
Now it’s time to sit back for an afternoon of new dark humour murder and espionage featuring ‘The Bagman’ and an opportunity to find out what a ‘bialy’ is, in this Tarantino-esque movie, just to get us in a holiday mood…#TheKillRoom & #Reality.
Through the pitch black, we descended into the big flashing neon city centre of Dubai to complete the first leg. With no time to stock up on my favourite gold leaf, Duty Free underpant and matching tie set from Gucci, we scuttled past quickly, through the impressive Dubai airport, onto the next awaiting aircraft, a Boeing 777 with a wingspan of approximately 212ft and 7 inches or 64.8metres.
With another 3485 miles to our final destination we sat there waiting for take off while choking on the carcinogenic insecticide that had been sprayed through the cabin, hoping that Atmos and Stratos had also made it on to the plane too…
Before the glittering lights of the great city had diminished below I was already twenty minutes into one of the latest blockbuster movies, ‘R.A.D.A.R The Adventures of The Bionic Dog.
A touch more fine dining followed by a whiskey nightcap and it was time to settle down for a couple of hour’s shuteye like couple of old contented sows on wet feed, rocked to sleep with the occasional bout of flatulence over India.
Next stop KL
“Oh life, is better, better than you but you are not me…”
Top track by REM to get us through the night….
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