Burn Baby burn...

Being Thursday the only highlight of the day was putting the bins out so with the weather being so nice I thought I’d try my hand at cookin* outside. 

With all this isolation and not going out, it’s difficult to get your hands on what you need these days but I wasn’t going to let that stop me. 

As I also can’t have any friends round and I didn’t have one of these fancy gas barbecues, I didn’t want this to stop me having an enjoyable meal-for-one in my own back yard.

So I had to improvise a bit...

Now Iv been to many bbq’s, some very good and some really pathetic ones(😉) so Iv learnt a thing or two. First, importantly, you need to don a daft apron, to protect your bits and preferably one with a couple of false ladies breasts or a reference to how big your wiener is...

Suitably attired, light your bbq early using a smokeless house coal and some twigs and a highly flammable accelerant from a Jerry can, obviously keeping a safe distance until you hear a large ‘Whooosh’ followed by a warming sensation.

Now, your almost ready to start cooking!

I had worked on the menu all week as I realised that I would be unlikely still to get most ingredients from the dreaded Co-op so I decided to use up a few things I had around the house and garden to create a delicious outside dining experience.

Preparation:

So, for a nice starter I had a root around in the pond and found a couple of old frogs which I basted, French style, in a tasty Nutella marinade and put to one side. 

I cracked open a can of stout...Party time!

I really fancied a nibble while I was cooking so threw on a couple of sheep penis kebabs, out of the freezer, that a farming friend of mine had brought me back from his holidays in Llandudno last year. A great chewy welsh treat!

For the main course I went for it big style, I have to admit, with a sensational surf and turf combo using some 

freshly trapped rats from the coal shed, that I’d drowned 

humanely in a bucket of cold water, together with a sautéed sustainable goldfish and lobster bisque netted directly from the fish tank.

 

Who needs the Coop when you can forage fresh food like this?

Method:

Cook over hot coals until the blood stops oozing out, eyeballs turn white and turn over when fur has blackened. Keep grooving along to the 80’s tunes and guzzling wine from a box stopping only when your eyes can’t stand anymore smoke or the 

track finishes.

The BBQ was a real success...and I was just about to plan another for next week when 

I heard the phone ringing...

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I swear I’d only been inside on the landline a couple of minutes or say, half an hour at the most, but I didn’t expect all the neighbours to be out moaning and making such a damn fuss about nothing when I came back out....

bloody spoilsports!...pass the ketchup!

Have a dance to this....Still a banger!...The band ‘Ash’, off the album ‘Meltdown’ and the final track ‘Burn baby burn’, ticking all boxes for the blog link here....it’s not just thrown together!