Well, th’owd lass has been put back together. Her heads back on, she’s had her bilge cleaned out with new pipes, injectors, filters, flanges and fluids and even a new starter battery thrown in for good luck.
‘John’ll Fix it’ did a great job of fixing it for me and now I need to put the boat on Webuyanyboat.com to find out in only 30 seconds how much I can sell it for to be able to pay for all the repairs and keep him in fat cigars!
But then I saw a bright, colourful and fun advert on the telly and I had a great idea...
All I needed to do was to gamble to pay for it all!
The telly started telling me how easy it was to get an app to put all my wages into and register online for a fun Fandabbydozie Foxy bingo game to play with all my friends with almost guaranteed incredible, fantastic prizes of millions of pounds.
I had only to put the details of my 3 credit cards and my private pension access code and I got an amazing deal of £20 cash back and 3 free spins...result!
After a few hours of trying really hard to win my first promised jackpot I realised that my next 3 wages wouldn’t now even cover the minimum repayments on my debt and my boat cylinder head rebuild cost seemed minuscule to what I owed now so I thought I’d better 🛑 stop so I logged off quite disappointed ☹️.
Like a German vegetarian I feared the wurst!
But I needn’t have worried as 2 minutes later I had an email telling me I had won 3 more free spins and another £20 cash prize to have another go to see if I could re-coup my debt...wow! What luck!...I think they must have felt sorry for me!
It’s really quaint that they really care so much that they worry that my money won’t last out and went on to tell me that if I was to become addicted they could provide me with a private number to speak to a nice Irish chap called Paddy Power who would listen to my problems and hopefully write off the debt before it started to affect my wellness and stop me from throwing a strong rope over a nearby oak tree.
What a lovely respectable and moral business.
I didn’t have the heart to tell them that my heating gas has run out too...
So what have we learnt today?
We learnt that if your engine goes buggered it’s going to cost you a lot of Wonga to call in ‘John’llFixit’ but you are probably best to just take a deep breath and pay up as the owd tug really deserves a bit of brass spending on her every decade or so.
I think I need a holiday now!
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