National Express...

It was the first time I’d been stripped off to a T shirt since I landed back in Blighty as I battled today with the intense heat....

Id taken a train up north first and then connected to the X95 Borders bus that was leaving a very, very inclement Carlisle. 

OMG!!!!....within ten minutes it was like a sauna on wheels....35 degrees on the inside which had passengers gagging for air as we went splashing up the A7. 

Not being able to see bugger-all through all the steamed up windows didn’t help and then only stopping briefly for oxygen when the doors opened at various God forsaken, arse-end places where no one actually got on or off.....welcome to the Scottish Borders!

This old lass was dead by the time we got to Hawick but no one except me noticed...she will be like an old cow stuck in a cubicle by the time they find her in Edinburgh in three days time...

Now at 36 degrees C...

No wonder there is no water in 🇮🇹 as it would appear that it’s all here in the North of England/Scotland. 

I wiped the window again and tried to peer out.

Every river passed was in full spate; bursting whitewater torrents cascading down hillsides into already completely waterlogged fields where hardy cattle stood in muddy gate holes in rural retreats wishing they were dairy breeds.

Passing through the towns, northern folk shuffled about the streets, bent double, hidden under mis-shapen cheap umbrellas☔️ from the pound-shop.

As the lashing rain subsided to a constant lingering drizzle even the horned sheep on the windswept fells look bloody miserable 😖 

Still, it’ll soon be Winter...

Sat on the back of the bus I have time to reflect...

Homesick?.....No!

Great to catch up with friends but seems Iv got too used to having a bit better climate to inspire me these days.

Not feeling inclined to eat salad or fruit, the diet has deteriorated to junk ...not good!

It’s now 38 degrees in the bus...

Im sure Iv been on here for more time that is allowed under European NHS health guidelines?

Damn Brexit...

Are we there yet?

Sweating profusely and losing weight rapidly I am down to just cotton boxer shorts and pink flip flops so it MUST be time to get off?

Is it?....no one can see where we are!

The old woman still hasn’t moved and is starting to smell....

Having been on for seemingly over 3 hours I’m now also regretting having that bucketful of Americana they called coffee in the Costa so the next time the doors open I make a dash for the outside. With an over-extended bladder and busting for a massive horse like wazz I spill out, red-faced and dehydrated, to gulp in the deliciously cold, life-saving, dreich Scottish air.....

Christ....it’s bloody freezing here!

I turned round but the doors had closed...

I think I now need to buy some gloves....

Can’t wait to swop the Borders bus for the Pismover to be honest...

The song is based on Neil Hannon's observations of life from the window of a National Express coach. Some critics have criticised Hannon for "sneering" at the working classes on the track, but he has vehemently dismissed this notion, stating that the song "is pure observation, nothing made up – I’m on this bus, this is what I see."[1]

https://youtu.be/bc6qFpbAgwM

The Boy with the Thorn in his Side...

Well it's the last day of September and we are still averaging 22/23C with almost everyday being incredibly warm and sunny....I keep banging on about it cos it's sooo different from the weary inclement weather in the north of England.

It makes a real difference.

Things are starting to 'green' up again.

And a bit of winter veg is planted and growing nicely in the 'Orto'.

It's a fantastic temperature for working outside, getting the garden sorted, getting the grass cut and having a hour or two of solitude every now and then with the strimmer.

Admittedly Iv had to visit 'Trenti's' a couple of times just lately so that Maximillion, the main beardy fixing man round here, could put new bearings in the rear mower when it ceased and also fit some new drive belts but he's only in the next village and always very helpful with a smile. Proper rural service by proper rural fixing men!

Iv also been spending a bit of time up in the woods lately, tackling the overgrown terraces, getting rid of thick brambles and getting thorn'd to death clearing the spiky undergrowth.... that is until today....now armed with €36 euros worth of Japanese engineered cutter blade fit to the strimmer head, I now have a stealth tool that slices through anything in its path with only an almost silent 'whoosh', a deadly beast in the wrong hands but great fun in mine!

No more thorns...

No more anything...

Just don't tap me on the shoulder....

By late afternoon we get the long shadows and by 7pm it's going dark and getting a bit nippy.

The Boy with the Thorn in his side is today's blog track. I'm sure I don't need to tell you that this is 'The Smiths'. A band I grew up with and will always enjoy 'Morriseys' lyrics and 'Johnny Marrs' 🎸. This song, from 1985 and off the great 'The Queen Is Dead' album....one day she will be and I will play this album...to death!

https://youtu.be/qdOHPjMzY8s

Been Caught Stealing...

Iv always thought that it's a strange word....foraging!

To forage: 

a wide search over an area in order to obtain something, especially food or provisions.

1. synonyms:

   scavenge, hunt, search, look, exploration, quest, scout, probe "a nightly forage for food"

Basically you are nicking stuff from Mother Earth...or is she is providing it for you to nick?

Well, I'm guilty as charged....and I'm having great fun doing it.

This is a great time of year for it and Iv been out in the mornings, carrying a brew and having a good scavenge.

The local markets are currently full of 'Porcini', retailing at about €20 euros a kilo which is a 100% profit if you been out and got them for nowt on a walk. Iv not been as lucky as to find porcini but i do seem to do ok most mornings for the run of the mill fresh fungi that pokes up in abundance in yonder front field.

There's loads of stuff for the taking if you look around. Walnuts come flying down if you get a long stick and whack the branches hard enough and the sloes have now been harvested and are currently sitting in 5 litres of gin, hidden away in a dark place for some rainy, hazy day that will remain forever secret!

The blackberries all shrivelled up with the heat and weren't worth bothering with this year but early on, apricots were turned into jam, pine nuts extracted and put into jars, figs were dried for the winter and almost daily I gorged myself on all the juicy mulberries until there were none left.

At the top of the drive, hidden in the hedgerows, wild red grapes 🍇 have been growing, so they were for the taking too, then pushed through the juicer to make some delicious....well, grape juice! Admittedly, there is another process I know that turns them into wine but Christ, I'm not the saviour and it's a bit beyond my current box 1 skill level limitations at present.

  

Meanwhile the 🐗 continue to forage nightly too, digging holes with their snouts to find the tubers and couch grass roots, mainly in the olive groves which regretfully are not bearing many olives at all this year.

The salad days are almost over now but even with the crazy hot weather we have had, we have done ok this summer for lettuce, basil, cucumbers and courgettes and now we are into some autumn Swiss chard, Cavalo Nero and fennel, all grown from the 'orto', or vegetable garden as you know it. Winter cabbage, cauliflower, broccoli are doing ok so far and the plan is to keep planting and growing veggies through all the seasons. 

And if all else fails you can always 'buy' something local, like this little vino Rosso I found on a shelf, fermented in nearby Umbertide and delicious with whatever else you happen to have found...

 

'Been caught stealing' from 1990 is a classic indie tune and the best and most successful hit from US Indie rockers, Jane's Addiction. It's still a song that I instantly turn up to loud as soon as I hear the first chord and the dogs' bark....noisy euphoria and a crazy video to go with it.

https://youtu.be/jrwjiO1MCVs

Earthly Pleasures...

It's never ceases to surprise me when I find out who's reading my blog and it's quite obvious to me that Teresa May must also be tuning in. I'm thinking that she must've read my quick guide to 'Florence' last week and booked herself on the next flight out. I just hope she didn't book Ryanair or she might be needing a lift home!

It's been a funny old week.....(Christ, I sound like Ronnie Barker in Open All Hours!)

Autumn has arrived and I have per..per..pp'progressed up into the woodland to have a clear out of the old trees and creeping brash and working to get the ditches and drains ready for the onslaught of winter and the anticipated heavy rainfall. Armed with machete, a strimmer, a chainsaw, a rotavator and a mattock I have been tackling the terraced woodland areas.

It's kinda nice just being able to work on the land, just being outside and able to get on with practical things with no constraints or timescales to adhere to.

I still haven't done any work recording but no-ones asked for it either and I'd probably just make it up anyway cos no-one worth a toss ever looked at it....

I digress....So, it HAS rained lately but the days are now really bright and sunny.

We don't seem to have days and days of drizzly low cloud that lingers on, it just rains like hell and then it stops and the sun comes out and it's warm again....proper weather!

Now that we have had that bit of rain though, the grass has shot up so there is plenty of strimming and mowing to keep me occupied over the coming weeks. Mushrooms are my favourite thing to find in a morning now, not Porcini, which are being sold in large amounts in the market, but field mushrooms, almost as tasty but free to the finder!

The Cinghiale have also returned and are making their distinctive marks. 

Every morning freshly dug holes are appearing, mainly in the olive groves, where they have been rooting about in the night and ripping up the earth to find the edible roots. They are going to keep me busy through the winter, I'm sure...

The last festa was a local affair, in Montalla, and the main event being the 'Donkey Race'. A sack race determined who got what donkey, then a warm up lap, basically to see who could fall off the most, then 3 or possibly 4 laps of the course with a dismount on each lap to 'bob for an apple', eat a plate of  flour or drink a vino before trying to then catch up with your galloping ass and jumping back on the saddle-less steed to complete the race. The race ended with a disputed winner but a great time was had by all except for the poor old fella on the fastest donk that kept getting tossed off at every corner.....but even he finished with a big smile!....well you would, wouldn't you!!....A great end to all the summers festivals!

Maybe I will have my iPad with me for some crazy photos next year!

The blog title track is the second song on the second album by the Villagers released in 2013.

https://youtu.be/4uSTkb3s5Xs

Sent wi' th'ipad

Fake Empire....

September is a great time to start to visit places like Florence. They get far, far too busy during the scorching summer months and you can't move for selfy-sticks fastened to idiots with paper maps.

Today, the weather is perfect so I'm off on the train to the big city!

Going from the little local station of Terontola it takes about an hour and a half until you get off at the end of the line at Santa Maria Novello(SMN),bang in the centre of Firenze.

I know that there are days and days worth of museums and art galleries but today is just a stroll around my new nearest city of culture, just to get my bearings and I can tell from the start that its going to be slightly better than the previous city of culture I visited......Hull!

Five minutes from SMN I head up through the busy Central Market, a foodies paradise and then passing through the Piazza Di San Lorenzo I suddenly turn a corner and look up. You can't help but be impressed as you take in the sight of the huge 'Cattedrale Di Santa Maria Del Fiore', an absolutely beautiful and impressive world famous building and the main landmark in the centre of Florence.

From here it's on into the main 'Piazza Della Signoria' containing the equally impressive 'Palazzo Vecchio' with its various pot sculptures, mainly of naked grown men clubbing animals to death with small penises,(that's the men...not the animals!) and of course 'Michelangelo's 'David' albeit a copy, and also sporting a tiny widger! From here a walk through the 'Uffizi' courtyard corridor with all the statues of every famous Italian from Botticelli at one end to Galileo at the other before coming out at the River Arno.

Tickets are available for all these places but the requirement to join long queues is too off-putting for me to consider today. Crossing the river Arno i head up the south side leaving the crowds behind.

I'm wanting a view from the Boboli gardens but come across the 'Forte Di Belvedere' first, an old 'Medici' residence. The 'House of Medici' , a family dynasty for about 800 years were wealthy bankers and powerful Tuscans that created an empire for themselves and had a lot of clout in Florence but now only the buildings live on. They all died and the legacy ended. The fort and grounds of this residence, with its worn stone steps showing years of shuffling about laden with coins was definitely worth a visit as you got  a different perspective of Florence from here, not to mention some bizarre sculptures!

Palazzo Pitti, Napolean's old gaff was impressive to see and far too big to be comfortable and then from here into the quieter area of Piazza Santo Spirito for a cold beer 'Moretti' and a look at the church before heading back and missing out the historic but ridiculously busy 'Ponte Vecchio' to take the lesser known bridge' Ponte Santa Trinita', back over the Arno and return to the train station.

Florence can easily be navigated around in a day just to get a feel of the place but there are loads of sights to see that would take time if you wanted to go inside....the world famous museums with the world famous paintings and the world famous churches all take time so it's just going to have to be return visits in quieter times to take it all in.....

Fake  Empire, another song by 'The National' and title track off the album 'Boxer'. I keep promoting this band as they are worth a listen.

https://youtu.be/KehwyWmXr3U

Sent wi' th'ipad

Clever Trevor...

Ok, I admit that's sums were never my strongest area but I was good at Chemistry!

Well it didn't take long for some 'Clever D...Trevor...ick' to point out that it was 5tons of logs and not 50 so I don't feel as good about stacking it all now...so thanks!🤓

This track by the late Ian Dury from 'New boots and panties'....great title too.

https://youtu.be/eiulgP9kR7c

Sent wi' th'ipad

Come pick me up...

As I settled down in my hammock for an afternoon snooze there was a knock at the door....well, there wasn't cos no-one knocks around here, they pull up the drive, honk and wait for someone to find them. This time it was the local woodsman from the top of the road who annually fetches the winter wood order, sometime in October. He is obviously keen this year and we must be on top of his list as on enquiring as to when the logs would arrive he uttered a word I wasn't expecting, "Adesso!"(Now!).

Ten minutes later a tractor and trailer was backing up the drive and had dumped its full load full of logs at the back door.

Right.....that will be the winter fuel here then...

You order dry, seasoned firewood for the winter by the Quintali here. One Quintali is equivalent to 100kg or a ton, we just had 50 quintali delivered! 

You can't get anymore Italian than "Cinquanta Quintali"...

The load was a mix of local hardwoods from the nearby woods, dry and well seasoned, a real necessity for the colder months when they finally arrive. Coal is non existent here so everyone has to use wood from the local woodsman. It's a great system...I just need to pick it all up and stack it!

Ryan Adams is a real favourite of mine, such a talent and all round cool dude, so here you have another track from his aptly named album 'Heatbreaker' which is full of great but emotional songs...just like this tormented track, here I give you a live version to enjoy!

https://youtu.be/HOSNQkxXKW4

Sent wi' th'ipad