Losing my Religion…

The beauty of flying on the Emirates flagship A30 is that, even in cattle class, you get a personal screen to be able to see what’s going on outside the plane. That way, if anything fails or falls off or a stray flock of seagulls get unluckily sucked into the jet engine, you will be able to watch and witness your own death, as you plummet majestically to the ground, terrified and helpless…an interesting concept?

According to the stats, it’s a journey of 3683 air-miles to DXB Dubai for the first 7hr leg, so as we get herded up the ramp by the drovers and loaded up securely in our our seats we leave behind a chilly morning in Manchester circa. 3 degrees C.

By the time we had cleared Turkish airspace, at thirty nine thousand feet, we had shifted both of the 2 pre-ordered Kosher meals. Our indulgence leaving only the dregs of the delicately ‘slow braised sheep’s brain cassoulet’ for disposal as ICW (International Catering Waste) and had washed it all down with a couple of glasses of Gordon’s famous elixir in order to ward off the prospect of contracting deep vein thrombosis…Foodies know that it is always better for you when you know that it has been prepared under the Rabbinical Supervision of the Beis Din of the Union of Orthodox Hebrew Congregations ….Shalom😜

Now it’s time to sit back for an afternoon of new dark humour murder and espionage featuring ‘The Bagman’ and an opportunity to find out what a ‘bialy’ is,  in this Tarantino-esque movie, just to get us in a holiday mood…#TheKillRoom & #Reality.

Through the pitch black, we descended into the big flashing neon city centre of Dubai to complete the first leg. With no time to stock up on my favourite gold leaf, Duty Free underpant and matching tie set from Gucci, we scuttled past quickly, through the impressive Dubai airport, onto the next awaiting aircraft, a Boeing 777 with a wingspan of approximately 212ft and 7 inches or 64.8metres.

With another 3485 miles to our final destination we sat there waiting for take off while choking on the carcinogenic insecticide that had been sprayed through the cabin, hoping that Atmos and Stratos had also made it on to the plane too…

Before the glittering lights of the great city had diminished below I was already twenty minutes into one of the latest blockbuster movies,  ‘R.A.D.A.R The Adventures of The Bionic Dog.

A touch more fine dining followed by a whiskey nightcap and it was time to settle down for a couple of hour’s shuteye like couple of old contented sows on wet feed, rocked to sleep with the occasional bout of flatulence over India.

Next stop KL

“Oh life, is better, better than you but you are not me…”

Top track by REM to get us through the night….

Astral Plane…

So, where are we off to?

🇲🇾 Malaysia. A country Split in two by the South China Sea, we will be travelling on the west peninsula home of the Worlds oldest tropical rainforest and the sacred birthplace of the OompaLoompas.

First stop KL Kuala Lumpur for a couple of days city action then depending on where the monsoons are affecting the weather we will head off on foot to explore.

Having survived the cattle market and now penned tightly up, it gave me time to reflect on the mornings inefficiencies of one of the UK’ leading International airports. I was finally overjoyed at clearing the gestapo security to sit down and relax with a ridiculously overpriced cup of coffee from one of USA’s leading International coffee emporiums. 

Boarding soon….

Astral Plane by Say She She

Not Nineteen Forever…

 

muso

/ˈmjuːzəʊ/

noun

INFORMAL•BRITISH

1. • a keen music fan.

     "prices way beyond the means of average musos"

I must warn you not to raise your expectations as this is an old blog format on an old blogger platform, cobbled together by an old muso lying in a hammock, so there will be no Vlogging, podcasting, dancing TikTokking videos or even a selfie stick being waved about annoyingly during the making. This decrepit digital nomad will capture it all in his own head using only eyeballs and an old box brownie and then, like a crazy old Baird, will assemble the resulting musings to magically appear on the blog pages, as and when I deem convenient throughout the trip.

That’s the ground rules covered…

Conscious of being in the late fifties now, all moving parts have been Wax-oiled, lips freshly painted and toenails and teeth buffed up and polished for good measure. The bloodstream has been laced with B1 Thiamine in order to cause some kind of metabolic reaction like some ‘freakish anti-mozzy antidote experiment’,  but this could turn out to be a load of old metabollox…time will tell. 

With loaded rucksacks at the ready we have packed enough stuff to stop anyone or anything biting, stinging, blistering, burning, bleeding, honking and shitting…so hopefully no more ‘dribble drama’s’ according to my favourite advert!

“Never mind, you’ll probably never look that pretty again…

Your not Nineteen Forever, pull yourselves together”

Anyhow, almost ready to set off as you only get one life so you had better use it…!

Next stop Manchester T1 to get, no doubt, frisked, abused and herded out of the terminal and onto the tarmac by airline staff carrying electric prods and lengths of alkathine pipe, like a couple of heifers at a fat stock market. 

Emirates’ biggest bird in the fleet, the Airbus A30, is ready to set sail from Manchester to Kuala Lumpur via Dubai on Sunday morning and as we look forward to tucking into our pre-ordered Kosher crispy bacon breakfast barm #JustEat we will be jetting off to the 37 degree sweatbox they call Malaysia 🇲🇾 AKA Bargain loving Brits in the Sun’….

“Your Not Nineteen Forever

It’s not big, and your definitely…not clever”

Off the album St.Jude by the wonderful Manchester band from Middleton, The Courteeners….never bounced as much in my life seeing this band at KGH…enjoy!

For what it’s worth….

Meet travel companions Atmos & Stratos

For what it’s worth, I’m just wondering about having a bit of a blogfest again as preparations are being made for a nice month long trip into Asia…So, I’m currently trying to convince myself that I still have the time and creative inclination to string a few musings together and litter them with some colourful pics as we trot round Malaysia, mainly as a vibrant diary to capture a few memories digitally.

Ok, so decision made…il give it a go…

The blog has had a bit of a re-vamp and is now good to go too.

Looking back, the previous blogs covered last years bike trip with the boys and before that my time living and working in Italy and trips around Europe so we were due some coverage of this ‘long-haul’ respite for the next month.

respite

/ˈrɛspʌɪt,ˈrɛspɪt/

noun

1. a short period of rest or relief from something difficult or unpleasant

   
   

   ie.Work…
   

   
   

As the last big Asian adventure was to Thailand in 2016 , I’m going to make the effort and keep a log of proceedings of this one in 2024 which will be starting next weekend.

It will mean, I suppose, a whole shedload of new song titles to find from my favourite songsters and I will be diving into my playlists to find an appropriate music song title for each of the whiney, recalcitrant posts for which i will probably continue to make grumpy observations and false allegations, while lying in a hammock. I will be using this platform for capturing proceedings as we trot around the globe, musing and quizzing locals on topics dear to my heart from street food to probably more street food.

So, meet Atmos  & Stratos, our companion luggage carriers of choice, for this adventure…and watch this space from now on for future updates!

“There's something happening here
But what it is ain't exactly clear”

Buffalo 🦬 Springfield 

Enjoy two old codgers having fun with an old, old tune to kick us off.

Calais to Dover…

Our overnights stay at the Ibis in Boulogne was a handy stop off for the ferry out of Calais the following morning.

This post is only so I can use up some photos and squeeze in an aptly titled song by one of my favourite artists, Conor Oberst, here with his band ‘Bright Eyes’. I have been a little obsessive with this guy over the years…”Under a microscope of apoplectic vision”….What is there not to like about a lyric like that?…a great singer songwriter, enjoy a live version of this wonderful song here…

Born Slippy…

This was the final days riding of the 2023 ‘Tour de France’ and it was going to be the longest route. The 40 mile loop would take us south, down to Caen and back up the river to Ouistreham.   One way or another, it was going to get quite hard…

In preparation, we deliberately stopped off in the harbour at the family run stall of local fisher-folk ‘Fanny and Charles’ to breakfast on some fresh oysters 🦪 (huitres) that are famous on the Normandy coast to give us energy for the days ride. 

We probably shouldn’t have ordered a kilo each but we got them slipped down, one by one and I have to say, you haven’t tasted oysters like them until you’ve tried Fanny’s…!

Starting to feel a little amorous and bilious at the same same we set off gingerly with bellies full of fresh salty water and slippy molluscs but it wasn’t long before we had to pull over for a strong coffee to settle the stomach.

By the time we had got to Caen I had eaten the same one about 7 times…each time it seemed to taste a bit better…

We stopped off in Caen for a crepe and felt a lot better for it before heading back up the river to complete the circuit.

As we arrived wearily back at Coursuelles-sur-mer there was not much left in the tank…or the pot of ‘Sudocrem’.

Try to keep it all down as you boogie on down to a great ‘Underworld’ track.

Who’s in control…?

Tuesday is market day.

Unexpectedly it covered the whole street and offered a plethora of French gastronomy from local unpasteurised cheese, stinky sausage and foie gras to Calvados, Crepes and a massive pan of authentic Spanish Paella! 

I opted for a coffee and sat down to watch the proceedings.

Question….Why have folk started to carry domestic animals around?

It seems bizarre to me that a perfectly fit border collie needs to be manhandled or a skanky ginger Tom carted round in a wicker basket strapped to your chest??… where will it stop?…will they start to fetch other pets out for a look round the market?…a tortoise in a harness perhaps, a ferret in a specially designed compartment in your handbag or maybe a gongoozling goldfish carried aloft in a bowl on a turban? 

We must persevere with the trend until it becomes a little too passé I guess….I digress as I really just don’t know ‘who’s in control?’.

To ease the pain in my brain I opt to head for the sea for a swim. The temperature of the water took my mind off the wonderings so I returned to the gite to catch up with the boys over lunch.

While they went off for the afternoon on the 🚴 🚴 I opted for an amble around the harbour and then settled down in a quiet brasserie in the square with a chilled bottle of ‘Muscadet’ and imagined I was cycling down the Loire Valley….also a bit easier on the arse after 3 days in the saddle!

Who’s in Control was a song by indie band British Sea Power…just to wake you up and get u 🤔thinking!