Narrowboatboy’s Big, Bad Blog...Narrowboat & Travel blog based on Lancaster Canal

Welcome to another Lockdown special.... ...I am pleased to announce that my blog is being relaxed so you no longer need to be  2 metres apart, kneeling on anyone’s neck or wearing a mask when you read it... I have taken advice and have decided that after ten weeks of growing hair and pacing around listening to podcasts I deserve a break from it all so, as I have loads of annual leave that I have to use up by next month, I looked out of the window at the rain and decided it was time to take a break from it all...So Iv booked two weeks off!....Yipeee.... To be honest I’d got a bit bored watching Sir Matt of Hand-Cock every night so I haven’t been following the news so I thought I’d better catch up before I book my two week extravaganza in the sun. On first glance the gist of it seemed to be that our trusty government has now got a good handle on the Covid19 situation, all testing targets have been met, everyone has stayed inside and/or alert (apart from one stray idi...

Iv had a lot of time to do a lot of reading recently and I read an article suggesting people have too much stuff so I got to thinking that I might have a bit too much stuff too??....so I looked up about it and found out that I was getting worryingly near to level 5... What does that mean I hear you say.....well look here⤵️ The National Study Group on Compulsive Disorganization created a clutter  hoarding  scale with  five levels of hoarding . ... Hoarding Level 5 Clutter filling bathrooms and kitchen. At least four too many pets, per local regulations. Noticeable human faeces. Rotting food on surfaces and inside a non-working refrigerator. The guilt was too much so I started straight away in the bathroom and kitchen cupboards. Out went the chip-pan, a slow cooker, an unused nutribullet and three gallons of tainted cooking oil....that’s a start....and then up the lift to one of the bathrooms to get rid of some Spanish toothpaste, an old loofah and ab...

So was anyone else disappointed? Who wanted to see the owd lad on the five o clock podium? Is he swinging the lead? Taken a flexi day? It would have been a lot better if maybe he had just made an appearance on a chaotic Zoom meeting, working from home like everyone else. At least then we could have been treated to... “Boris...has joined the meeting”... ...with his bed-hair sticking up and watching him fumbling about while he worked out why no one could hear him and then all of a sudden just go off...then reappear...still no sound...gesticulating...coughing...oh, thumbs up...pointing to his screen....miming the words ‘what do I press?’ as he held up an old spectrum computer... Meanwhile the Right Honourable Matty the muppet Hand-Cock is furiously pointing to his own mute key, annoyed by his boss’s pathetic awkward interactions, he starts tapping on his keyboard trying to re-send him the email instruction. ...Exasperated, Boris slowly shakes his head, takes off his ...

When I can’t find what I’m looking for on the High Street I often think to myself “ if only I was nearer to Myanmar” with its swish shopping malls and plethora of pound shops. So obviously that’s why it was our governments first choice for all things PPE. But then I got to thinking... Why? Myanmar or Burma was still occupied and ruled by the Burmese military junta until 2011. A previously isolated country famous now for its  government's barbaric treatment of ethnic minorities, its ongoing   genocide against the Rohingya Muslims and various other  Human rights violations against unarmed protesters that have been widely condemned by the rest of the world. It is  not a member of the Commonwealth of Nations having only had democracy for ten years and even now, most of the north of the country is still ‘off-limits’ and still today only 25% of the country has electricity. It’s a perfect trading partner...fulfilling all our values and embracing...

I tell you what there does seem to be a lot about....and that’s Hair!! I’m thinking of joining a band...I can’t play guitar, drums or sing but I reckon I could get in with the hair alone. It’s now a cross between the lead singer of poison and the one with the massive Afro in the 70s animated cartoon ‘The Hair Bear Bunch’ (one for the kids there...keepin’ it real, innit?) So, Help, Help, here come the bears! But I’m not rushing straight back to ‘Fast Frank’s’ after all this, I’m going to embrace  the moment and have been inspired by watching a lot more tv and keeping a close eye on the pompadour styles of the rich and famous, whether it’s Boris’ scruffy mongrel dog look or Donald’s ‘flapping in the wind’ stick on wig style Iv realised that I need to use this unprecedented opportunity to my advantage. Iv got mates who are disappointingly ‘ Bald as coots’ or ‘badgers’ and live miserable lives having to wear flat caps, balaclavas or tam’o’shanters just to try ...

Did anyone see the game last night? Wow, if you missed it it was one of the best games of rugby I have ever seen. A packed crowd of 109,000 fans. This match was not for the faint-hearted. Edge of your seat stuff right from the kick off. Incredible individual and team performances meant it was a free flowing spectacular spectacle in near perfect conditions. One of the best wingers in the world. Backs as hard as nails. 2 absolutely fantastic sneaky scrum halves. Massive hits and brutality from all the forwards clearing EVERY ruck! More points could have been on offer had the kickers been more accurate but for sheer passion, energy and skills this will take some beating and I’m sure that we will be talking about this game for years to come. Oh sorry, you missed it?? What the hell were you doing? I bet you feel a bit of a fool now don’t you? Well I won’t tell you the score, just take the cork out of a bottle of red, pour half a glass and sit back for an 80...

Have you ever been mis-sold PPE? Don’t miss out, you will need to claim by end of 2020 if you have bought any PPE stupidly or by mistake. Did you go to B&Q for a tin of Dulux emulsion and accidentally end up being sold an FFPP3 face mask? Or maybe you nipped into Travis Perkins for some quarter inch plumbing pipe and came away with a box of green nitrile 🧤 gloves? Then you have been mis-sold this needless PPE and we want to hear from you. This needs to stop! Presently, with an unprecedented global demand for PPE the government has pledged to do ‘Whatever it takes’ to stop anyone who doesn’t not work for the NHS from buying, wearing and supplying these valuable resources. So if you have been hoarding stocks in your airing cupboard for your occasional trips down to the Coop then you are one of the many idiots that have caused this whole sorry affair. PPE can give valuable protection when painting and decorating, gardening and digging but under th...