Narrowboatboy’s Big, Bad Blog...Narrowboat & Travel blog based on Lancaster Canal

So was anyone else disappointed? Who wanted to see the owd lad on the five o clock podium? Is he swinging the lead? Taken a flexi day? It would have been a lot better if maybe he had just made an appearance on a chaotic Zoom meeting, working from home like everyone else. At least then we could have been treated to... “Boris...has joined the meeting”... ...with his bed-hair sticking up and watching him fumbling about while he worked out why no one could hear him and then all of a sudden just go off...then reappear...still no sound...gesticulating...coughing...oh, thumbs up...pointing to his screen....miming the words ‘what do I press?’ as he held up an old spectrum computer... Meanwhile the Right Honourable Matty the muppet Hand-Cock is furiously pointing to his own mute key, annoyed by his boss’s pathetic awkward interactions, he starts tapping on his keyboard trying to re-send him the email instruction. ...Exasperated, Boris slowly shakes his head, takes off his ...

When I can’t find what I’m looking for on the High Street I often think to myself “ if only I was nearer to Myanmar” with its swish shopping malls and plethora of pound shops. So obviously that’s why it was our governments first choice for all things PPE. But then I got to thinking... Why? Myanmar or Burma was still occupied and ruled by the Burmese military junta until 2011. A previously isolated country famous now for its  government's barbaric treatment of ethnic minorities, its ongoing   genocide against the Rohingya Muslims and various other  Human rights violations against unarmed protesters that have been widely condemned by the rest of the world. It is  not a member of the Commonwealth of Nations having only had democracy for ten years and even now, most of the north of the country is still ‘off-limits’ and still today only 25% of the country has electricity. It’s a perfect trading partner...fulfilling all our values and embracing...

I tell you what there does seem to be a lot about....and that’s Hair!! I’m thinking of joining a band...I can’t play guitar, drums or sing but I reckon I could get in with the hair alone. It’s now a cross between the lead singer of poison and the one with the massive Afro in the 70s animated cartoon ‘The Hair Bear Bunch’ (one for the kids there...keepin’ it real, innit?) So, Help, Help, here come the bears! But I’m not rushing straight back to ‘Fast Frank’s’ after all this, I’m going to embrace  the moment and have been inspired by watching a lot more tv and keeping a close eye on the pompadour styles of the rich and famous, whether it’s Boris’ scruffy mongrel dog look or Donald’s ‘flapping in the wind’ stick on wig style Iv realised that I need to use this unprecedented opportunity to my advantage. Iv got mates who are disappointingly ‘ Bald as coots’ or ‘badgers’ and live miserable lives having to wear flat caps, balaclavas or tam’o’shanters just to try ...

Did anyone see the game last night? Wow, if you missed it it was one of the best games of rugby I have ever seen. A packed crowd of 109,000 fans. This match was not for the faint-hearted. Edge of your seat stuff right from the kick off. Incredible individual and team performances meant it was a free flowing spectacular spectacle in near perfect conditions. One of the best wingers in the world. Backs as hard as nails. 2 absolutely fantastic sneaky scrum halves. Massive hits and brutality from all the forwards clearing EVERY ruck! More points could have been on offer had the kickers been more accurate but for sheer passion, energy and skills this will take some beating and I’m sure that we will be talking about this game for years to come. Oh sorry, you missed it?? What the hell were you doing? I bet you feel a bit of a fool now don’t you? Well I won’t tell you the score, just take the cork out of a bottle of red, pour half a glass and sit back for an 80...

Have you ever been mis-sold PPE? Don’t miss out, you will need to claim by end of 2020 if you have bought any PPE stupidly or by mistake. Did you go to B&Q for a tin of Dulux emulsion and accidentally end up being sold an FFPP3 face mask? Or maybe you nipped into Travis Perkins for some quarter inch plumbing pipe and came away with a box of green nitrile 🧤 gloves? Then you have been mis-sold this needless PPE and we want to hear from you. This needs to stop! Presently, with an unprecedented global demand for PPE the government has pledged to do ‘Whatever it takes’ to stop anyone who doesn’t not work for the NHS from buying, wearing and supplying these valuable resources. So if you have been hoarding stocks in your airing cupboard for your occasional trips down to the Coop then you are one of the many idiots that have caused this whole sorry affair. PPE can give valuable protection when painting and decorating, gardening and digging but under th...

“I am the resurrection and I am the life, I couldn't ever bring myself to hate you as I'd like...” Now that the Easter break is behind us we can now look forward to other wondrous things happening on the religious calendar. You’ve got it...Guess who’s coming back to a screen near you very soon? Get ready for the Resurrection... ...or should that read ‘Reserve-Erection’!??🤭 Well, it’s looking like he was infected on the Thursday, spent the weekend in A&E, relapsed on the Monday and went to Chequers on the Tuesday and now we await him to roll away the stone, emerge from the darkness, where he has been working on the Brexit, and make a grand resurrection so the celebrations 🥳 can begin again. Cheap Easter eggs will fill all the empty shelves in Lidl, children will stay off school and Mums and Dads across the world will not go to work in celebration of  the return of the new messiah. Instead they will remain inside with boxes of wine, box sets of ...

Being Thursday the only highlight of the day was putting the bins out so with the weather being so nice I thought I’d try my hand at cookin* outside.  With all this isolation and not going out, it’s difficult to get your hands on what you need these days but I wasn’t going to let that stop me.  As I also can’t have any friends round and I didn’t have one of these fancy gas barbecues, I didn’t want this to stop me having an enjoyable meal-for-one in my own back yard. So I had to improvise a bit... Now Iv been to many bbq’s, some very good and some really pathetic ones(😉) so Iv learnt a thing or two. First, importantly, you need to don a daft apron, to protect your bits and preferably one with a couple of false ladies breasts or a reference to how big your wiener is... Suitably attired, light your bbq early using a smokeless house coal and some twigs and a highly flammable accelerant from a Jerry can, obviously keeping a safe distance until you hear a ...

What kind of a fool do you think I am? You think I know nothing of the modern world? I spy with my little eye something that sounds like Pie.... I love a pie, everyone does, and being a thick northerner, pies play an important part of our everyday lives, very much like telephones...you really can’t live without one.  So imagine my surprise when I heard that there was a new mobile on the market called an Android pie phone! Wow... “This is the modern world that I've learnt about...” I must have missed that episode of ‘Tomorrows World’ when Raymond Baxter predicted this futuristic thing would happen in 2020... ...I needed to get one....at all costs...This was definitely the phone for me!! “In Yorkshire  slang  a pork  pie  is sometimes called  a "growler " To be honest, I heard about these new phones second hand from a bloke who worked with another fella that I knew, and his missus used to work in the The Carphone W...